A Mission Just Isn't For Me...

I was never that little girl who knew that I wanted to go on a mission. Heck, I'm still not sure. Since the missionary change for young men and women back in 2012 announced by our beloved leaders, girl missionaries have spiked in the mission field. Nineteen was the new age for us girls. and deciding to go on a mission just got a whole lot harder; especially for me. I was 18 at the time and finishing my senior year of high school. My thoughts before were, yeah, if nothing is going on in my life at 21 then I will go. But now that the age was nineteen, anything was possible.
 Then the questions came. And boy did they come. From every direction, and every person; I was being asked with what seemed to me as scrutiny and judging eyes. "Are YOU going on a mission?" It left me uncomfortable. That was completely my personal choice.  At first, I flat out told them no. But then when I saw their reaction, I changed the way I answered. I now say, "I'm still thinking about it." And leave it at that. Usually they let it be. Just the other day, I was talking to a recently returned missionary. The question came, and I replied as I normally do. After that, he seemed almost like he was judging me as less of a person because of it. I was no longer worthy of his time. I was so grateful for those people who answered back with understanding and love, there were far and few between.
 Since the missionary change, I feel like a lot of girls feel obligated to go, just because you can go two years sooner now. For me, the desire is still not there. A mission just isn't for every girl. Now don't get me wrong. The missionaries that are out there are amazing, fantastic, people. I have the biggest soft spot in the world for them. Just thinking of the missionaries fills me with the spirit and brings tears to my eyes. They are serving the Lord and blessing people's lives. There is absolutely nothing wrong about it.

But a lot of young women think that because they decided not to go on a mission, they are bad people, or they are not righteous people, or that they are not the holiest and best LDS girls out there. I would just like to say, FALSE! Deciding to not go on a mission does NOT make you any less of a person. Especially to our Father.
Deciding to go has been one of the most difficult decision of my life. I have read my patriarchal blessing over and over again looking for signs, I've prayed and prayed, and have read the scriptures. My answer came, and it was no. And no one can tell me that my personal revelation was WRONG. Because it was just that, PERSONAL. I followed the spirit and got my answer like so many other young women. And that's okay. I know my answer, and I am content, even happy with it. Because I don't have to worry about whether I should be out in the mission field or not. I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT.

For now,  my work is here. That's not to say I'm not making something of myself. My desires lie in helping the needy out there.  I currently signed up for a humanitarian project in Fiji... now THAT is something I've had a passion to do since I was little. If you decided not to go on a mission, find something that you ARE passionate about, and go chase it. I think the point is more to go out and do. Go out and change someone's life. Have that courage. 

Does that make me any less of a person because I will not be serving a mission? In no way, just like girls going on a mission does not make them any MORE of a person. We all have specific missions to accomplish in this life. Some are acquired by going on an actual mission. Some are not. The point is, we all have great abilities and potential in each of us. And we need to act like it. 

Sincerely,

Haylie